Wednesday, August 23, 2017

No Surprises Living in Devizes: Carnival will raise spirits after gloomy week

CARNIVAL comes but once a year, good news; it’s been improving annually. We could do with some good news and to let our hair down, there’s been news too terrible for me to make fun of recently. Like the wretch...

No Parking Surprises Living in Devizes

YOUR kids getting bored with “summer” holidays yet? Second week and no sign of that big yellow disc in the sky, probably been deported, (note: wrote this Tuesday, the sun obviously listens to me more than you lot do!) Blame...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: Sheep attack is no laughing matter

FINDING nice surprises to ridicule in Devizes every week isn’t easy. Hardly the liveliest town, that’s why we like it. I could cover the library’s fantastic revamp... because Devizes is nice, the people are nice, yeah? But every so often...

No Surprises Living in Devizes: Have pie will travel

ON the estate where I grew up to be the doughnut I am today, there was a knoll between the shops and unused carpark which grass had worn to nothing. Similarly dotted around said carpark lay planks of wood...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: Let’s hashtag the town!

LAST week, well, that was last week; sluggishly levelling with modern times my son ensured I’m competent at Minecraft (a game where I’m certain nothing happens) and thanks to Mr Diddams, I’ve learned the supremacy of the hashtag outside...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: Have a lie-in if you want but don’t say...

“NOTHING ever happens in Devizes.” Record stuck again, how many times must we endure this tedious drone? Someone posted their observation of fireworks on the Devizes Issue Facebook page, from the direction of Calne. Another screamed, “hide your pets!” A...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: MP Claire Perry faces the (Darren Worrow) music

A SURPRISE for No Surprises this week, although I’ve promised to be political free, “promise” is a trick word in politics; I’ve received reply from Claire Perry! Shame, the chances was a gnat’s hair from becoming a running joke....

No Surprises Living In Devizes: Larkin launches crowd-funded album bid

Hello, I’m back, did you miss me? Be honest, you didn’t realise there wasn’t a No Surprises... last weekend, did you? I know, it’s all getting too political, so I promise (yet again) no politics until we receive reply from...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: David, Goliath and going into ‘The Bear’

DAVID sleuth Goliath with a sling and a stone, but this election reminded me more of the scene in Independence Day when they fired their nukes at the mothership without effect. The promise Corbyn would become prime minster if she...

No Surprises Living in Devizes: ‘Those who have it good think it’s good for...

I WRITE this week’s column sure of one thing; the Conservative Party remains a callous organism, unreliable as Charles Ponzi at the My Little Pony Friendship Club AGM. No apologies, this is not the Beeb. The chance of impartiality here...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: Vote with your heart, urge ‘no chance’ Greens

For scarce local fruitcakes pondering amendment from the inflexible supercilious Conservative regime mightn’t be a bad thing, I concluded with an acerbic but obvious notion last week; the price we pay for amiability in this idyllic location is selfish...

No Surprises Living in Devizes: A country gone to the dogs?

Tories dubbed Labour’s nationalisation manifesto as “a return to the 1970s,” while our titanium-lady called for a return to ripping foxes to shreds and squabbling with Europeans akin to Sir Francis Drake. Whatever fluctuations, Mrs May is certain we’ll...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: Feeling lucky, punk?

I CAN tell it’s Taser* when my eyes are shut. Okay, that joke may go over the head of younger readers. You don’t see the citrus fizzy pop much these days; it’s all about electrical weapons. Being Wiltshire has one...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: Food festival heads glorious season of events

SO, did everyone have a nice summer? Hopefully it’s warmer by the time you digest this column , especially since we’re entering silly festival season Back in my youth, which wasn’t as long ago as you might think, festivals were far...

No Surprises Living In Devizes: It’s no joke, this town delivers more than brexfast

GLORIOUS leader Claire Perry takes to Facebook this week to say, “Just seen a hilarious item in the ‘Daily Mail suggesting I will be moving to Cambridge! Rest assured, I moved with my family into the heart of Devizes...